I am writing this post as I like to touch upon addiction at least once a month through my blogging.I don't think people really get what it entails to have a loved one with an addiction unless you have been through it yourself. In my case we are talking about a child, my son.
People say all the cliche things like, "it must be so hard"," I will be praying"," hes just going to have to learn through his bad decisions", etc. And YES I understand people are trying to help and saying nothing isn't good either. People want to help but also don't want to but in to a very sensitive family issue such as addition. A listening, non judge mental ear is priceless and well invited in most cases.
Why is it in life we must go through the pain of things to have REAL compassion for others. I am so guilty of this its not even funny!!! How bad can labor really be...Migraines, just suck it up, period cramps, just deal. Watching a kid scream through dinner at a restaurant...They need to discipline that kid!!! Your teenager got a DUI, kick him/her out of your house! I could go on and on and on ON how judge mental we can be without really knowing it. Life has a way of kicking us right in the face and its not pretty and its not expected.
I never imagined that we would have a child with an addiction!
I never imagined how hard it would be if I did, and on so many levels.
This morning as I am sitting here on my computer in the kitchen to my left I have an empty room that was once occupied by my son. Everything he owns is still in there, shoes, clothes, his favorite blanket, contacts, etc. As I walk by I see the pictures on his wall of when he was first seed of his tennis team in high school, I see the trophies he has one for all state in soccer. I see his college diploma that has yet to be used and that he got only by the grace of God...and I see the collage that I made him years ago that starts with his baby picture and goes every year until his graduation picture. I see the pile of his favorite things lying on his bed that his little brother has collected for him in hopes he will be home soon...I see the hope in my family's eyes that maybe this time will be the magic time that rehab will help. I feel my heart weighing heavy but trying to be strong for everyone else. I see my husband, who loves him dearly and has coached him for so many years, growing old right before my eyes as the stress has not been a friend to him.
See addiction is so so multi facet and is so deep that no one person can tell you enough to really have you understand it unless you deal with it yourself, which I pray to God you will never have to as I wouldn't wish it on anyone ever! It is so hard to see the child you knew and love slowly disappear before your eyes and not being able to really help. I thank God that now we do have fairly descent rehab centers. Still mental illness is not acknowledged as being as worthy for research funding and insurance help as physical illnesses and somehow seen as a choice and bad behavior.
I pray that someday in the near future we will have more resources and help with addictions and mental illnesses and I pray it will be in time to save my son...